Reflective Writings

Buddhist Culture: The Importance, Need and Role of a Sangha

2010-09-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm here in Phoenix, AZ on a weekend meditation retreat at the local Shambhala center. Admittedly, I don't spend much time with other Buddhists because there aren't many in the western suburbs of Chicago that I know of and the center is 60-90 minutes away so the frequency of my visits are not high. But this weekend, I've been reflecting upon the importance of being involved in a sangha.

The Buddha taught of the importance of the sangha. In fact, he considered it important enough to consider it one of the three jewels. But for many Americans, a Buddhist sangha may be very difficult to find. Even if we do find a sangha, we may not feel as though we fit into the group or the lineage in which they practice. For a long time, this latter point has been an issue for me. I've gravitated toward the simplicity of Zen and how it incorporates Taoist principles. But I did not feel a connection to the Zen sangha that I found. Also, I'm not one for a lot of politics in my practice and I feel that Shambhala can have a lot of this at times (e.g., the training levels, etc.). However, I've felt an increasing need to be involved with a sangha because I've felt an increasingly higher degree of alienation within my immediate community and even in my region of the country. As a result, I've decided to commit to the Shambhala tradition and am now more accepting of the lineage overall.

As I mentioned, the Buddha taught that being involved in a spiritual community with other like minded individuals is important. In my own experience, it has been quite challenging for me to live a Buddhist culture and a Zen Buddhist culture in particular. While many tend to think of culture as containing many other people who engage in similar beliefs and practices, I think each of us has a personal culture. Experiencing the contrast between my Zen Buddhist culture and that of my physical environment on a daily basis has revealed this small truth to me. Other members of my community have done little things that, by some, could be considered quite prejudicial and alienating. Also, the values that they seem to hold (regardless of whether or not they are aware of them) are quite different with regards to harmony, the self and being in tune with our position in nature. While my wife and I share many values, she does not prescribe to Buddhism as her lifestyle, religion or culture. Also, my immediate friends do not prescribe to it as well. So in reality, I am quite alone in this regard. It has only been during my visits to the Shambhala and retreat centers that I find the sense of "home."

When I spend the majority of my time around non-Buddhists and go for long periods without being around a sangha, I feel the effects. What's interesting is that science has revealed that we have in our brains, mirror neurons. These neurons allow us to interact, quite literally, brain to brain. We imprint on one another and when we interact with others we feel in our bodies, quite literally, their mental functioning. So while the dharma has advised us of the importance of the sangha, there is scientific evidence that our social environment can and does have great influence upon on us...at the biological and neurological level!

This weekend I have had the pleasure to be around a man by the name of Barry Milner. I can feel his stability, openness and the denseness of his practice just by speaking with him. The mirror neurons are at work. And when we met to discuss my meditation practice, he was able to practice with me for a few moments and I could feel where he was going within himself. Instead of trying to figure out the teachings intellectually, I could feel the teachings in him. This has rubbed off on me and now my brain can recall his internal state and the lightness that came with it. As I practice the new method of meditation that he teaches, I work to recall this moment with him to aid my development. So here, we see that a practicing Buddhist has a neurological need to be involved with a sangha.

So while your sangha may not be your ideal, there may come a point in time when you "give in" the way that I did. Some of us try to find a teacher that we can connect with on a personal level and I think this search is good. But you may want to be open to allowing that search to end. While I may not encounter many whom I feel a personal connection with, it's nice to be around people who are similarly minded and aspire to embody the same values and practices that I do. In the Shambhala sangha, I feel freer to be who I wish to be. I can wear the clothes that I choose without receiving judgmental looks from them. I can speak of certain terms, difficulties and philosophical or political views and they can relate. It's so refreshing to be around people with whom I can relate and they to me.

Now, there isn't a sangha close to me but one of the benefits of the Shambhala community and lineage is that it is large. There are prescribed practices, a structure to teach these practices and anyone can go on the path and start a group if they commit themselves. While I have a new found love of traveling around to different individual sanghas, I am working to create a local sangha in Naperville. There are certain insecurities I have in doing this ("who am I to start a group?") but it is important both to me and others like me to have a place and a group of people where they feel at home, culturally. Such a sangha can serve to lighten the cultural discord within us. I have felt this lightening this trip and this tells me that to create a sangha in my local community is vital. If you struggle with the same thing, please consider doing this. If not for yourself, for others like you. Sometimes compassion can motivate us more than selfish desire. Regardless of where you're at in finding a teacher and a sangha, I wish you well on our journey. Allow it to be what it will be. Allow the struggle and stress to exist without changing it. Follow your heart and it will most likely lead you to auspicious places, though, it may take some time for you to see it come together.

I dedicate this post to the lovely Shambhala-Phoenix sangha. I thank you for your kindness, your openness and all of the work you do to provide your community members with the opportunity to learn, practice and grow.

Buddhist Practices w/out Buddhism: One Difficulty of the Path

2010-08-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I used my artwork and journaling as a coping mechanism. I used it for many years. Spending hours a day on one of these or even both. There was even a period in my early 20’s where I spent 10-16 hours a day on these activities while also playing chess. I later realized that these practices were in line with Buddhist practices, even though my method did not align perfectly with what traditional Buddhist practices teach. However, the Buddha did teach this type of practice. He once taught a woman meditation by instructing her to only wash dishes when she washed dishes. Meaning, whatever you do throughout your day, only do that thing. Stay focused and simple. Pay attention to what you are doing.

I engaged in these practices for more than two decades. And while my practices have dwindled, along with my concentration abilities, I know that to start at the beginning of the teachings is not where my development is at. During these years of more intense and frequent practice, particular realizations arose. Emptiness and non-self came within my understanding without having been taught of Buddhism. In fact, what I found so wonderful about Buddhism as I started reading it was how it described what I had come to understand. This has presented a particular problem for me and I don’t think that I’m quite alone in this.

So if my development has progressed to a particular point, it would follow that my developmental place would acknowledge what has been done and then establish practices that better align with what has already been done. For me, I wish to progress but when I go to a Buddhist center, I don’t meet with a teacher to discuss such topics. Instead, the practices are to remain focused on the breath, to concentrate and that’s it. Why is this? There are many advanced practices within a variety of Buddhist traditions, such as Dogzen. But there doesn’t seem to be a way for westerners to begin path work that aligns with where they are currently at. For example, in the Shambhala tradition everyone needs to take particular classes and they all begin at the same point. Attending such classes and completing their respective programs can take a couple of years, depending upon the frequency for which the classes are offered. This does not seem very practical. Rather, it seems to best fit the center and the teachers but of course, I don’t know the reasoning for establishing such a rigid way of doing things.

It’s this unknown that has me wondering...what’s the deal here? What is the purpose of holding such things back? Why is it that teachers do not meet with students more often to better assess where they’re at? It reminds me of school...even though we may know a great deal about various subjects and could even test out of classes, we are required to spend hours and months on activities that are not really in our best interest or the most effective in aiding our learning process. Even handwritten tests I find to be somewhat ridiculous. If a teacher were to meet with a student to discuss such topics and assess for learned knowledge and wisdom...well, that would make sense. Regardless...

For someone like myself, who has spent much time practicing, I am not sure what I need to be focused upon. I have yet to encounter a teacher who is able to see me and who can, therefore, help me start working on what I need to work on. For now, I am going to work to accept that the beginning is where they will place me and many others. It is my hope that this changes and that I might be able to be or help such a change.

The Unfocused Mind

2010-08-30T09:06:00.003-07:00

Distraction. These days being distracted seems to be my modus operandi. My interests are so high that prioritizing and simplifying seem nearly impossible. Intellectually I love to devour information and when a question about how something works arises I Google it immediately. Whether I’m out using my iPhone or at home buzzing about the internet. I love to be creative and I come up with numerous projects to undertake. Before long, the list is several items long and each project will take hours, sometimes days, to complete. Ah, and then there is my technical interest. I have a background in working with computers, designing databases and application development. So more ideas come about and I put them on my mental to do list. Oh, and then there’s the long standing wish to open up a coffee shop or a lounge with a friend of mine. But wait, I’m in the middle of a doctorate program and have classes to pass, a dissertation to write and a future as a therapist to work on. Then there’s Buddhism, so many wonderful books to read, practices to engage that take considerable time...but as I get into them I’m reminded that simplicity and non-attachment is a healthier way. So what do I do with this long list? It sits there. I enjoy TV like the next person, especially keeping up with my favorite shows. Some new movies came out and I’d like to go see those. I need to stay healthy so there’s exercise, cooking my own food (I’d love to learn how to make sushi and cook Indian food) and getting together with friends and family. Going to dinner with them, inviting them over, etc. Oh yeah, this person has a birthday party next week but I need to finish up some paperwork for the clinic so I need to drive there. Which reminds me, the car needs an oil change and the inside needs cleaning. But I haven’t finished rearranging my office/meditation area at home so I should get on that...

After all of this I start to feel lost. Many of these things are enjoyable. Some I need to get done soon. And other things are simply good for me and I need to do them daily or weekly. But I have to be honest, sometimes I wish that I lived a very simple life...is it possible for me to live a simple life amidst all of this? I think so but some things are going to have to go because my ability to remain focused has been greatly impaired. But what’s so bad about not being focused? Why shouldn’t I multitask and work on several things at once, juggling projects, tasks, etc? Well, because I’m realizing that I totally feel overwhelmed, my emotional responses to things have increased (and often with unhelpful results), my ability to retain information is lowered and I’m often caught up in my own mind rather than being in the moment with someone or with whatever task I’m engaged in.

These consequences, which seem natural to me, lead to a decreased level of satisfaction. In addition, my ability to reside within the experience of contentment is greatly hindered if not totally negated by these multitasking and unfocused behaviors. Maybe as a reader you’re wondering if I’m just yacking about this subject and I don’t have any evidence. Well, I think I have some that I would like to share. Please keep in mind that my intention here is to simply pass on my experience and in no way am I saying that I have this down. I repeat, I haven’t mastered this at all. Anyway, on the 1st of this month I began a break from my work at the clinic and from school. I do not have any obligations until the 20th of this month. Which means that my mind can go nutty with all the stuff I want and need to do. But I decided to do something different a few days ago.

I was staying at a friends house for about 2 and a half days and decided to do as few things as possible. The way that I described it to him was that I wanted to bore myself to death. For those of you who are familiar with the writings of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche he described it as moving through hot boredom. Basically, I was charging myself with the task of facing my distractive behaviors head on and to do as few things as possible so that I could get through the screaming that happens within my mind. I allowed myself to do two things. Journal and play Wii Sports.

In the beginning, there were thoughts such as, “Are you serious!? This sucks! Watch TV or something! This is horrible, painful and I’m going to go crazy!” And these thoughts repeated themselves numerous times. Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement. They were annoyingly repetitive. Over and over again...nagging at me, taunting me and tempting me. But for those two days I did not give in and I found that my consciousness started to change toward the end.

I found that I was much more relaxed and that my sensory awareness was much higher because I wasn’t focused so much on thinking about so many things that should be done, that I want to do or that NEED to be done. I was more effective in whatever the moment brought about. It was really quite amazing. Now, you might have thought that when I mentioned Wii Sports as one of my activities that there are several games within the game itself. Well, I’ve played Wii Sports a lot and it has lost a good amount of its novelty. Therefore, playing a few hours of Wii Tennis and Golf were not exciting. The experience was very plain. Regardless, I also found that having kept things simple and focused that I was nicer to myself and to others. I felt softer. I was less stressed, more aware of my tendency to emotionally eat and could let go of my desire to snack. My stress level was lower so making such a change wasn’t really all that hard. It was actually kind of simple.

What I learned from this experience is that it IS important for me to live a simple life so that I can relax and enjoy doing whatever it is that I’m doing. While it pains me to say this, I need to let go of some of my wishes and projects. I won’t be able to do a lot of what I’d like to do but that’s okay because I want to be able to enjoy every moment and the people within that moment.

Maintaining an unfocused mind means that I would be maintaining my own level of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Having learned this, I am now turning my attention to getting things in order so that I can bore myself frequently. I will finish the things that I have started and organize things the way that I need them to be but after that my daily task is to keep things really simple. To keep my to do list small and this means letting go of certain luxuries like movies, TV, developing really helpful iPhone applications, etc. What I value most is my mental ability to remain open, to be in the moment with others so that I can care about them deeply and to live a life where I can honestly say that I am satisfied. It’s funny to me that in order for me to be happy, I have to move toward pain and have the courage to let go of things that I have so long considered to be “good.”

Humanity Gone Wild

2010-08-30T09:06:00.001-07:00

As I was journaling this morning on compassion I reflected on what it means to be human. It seems to me that there are two versions. However, these two versions are like two faces or two sides of the same object. Rarely are we (despite our best wishes and hard work) one side only. I see one side as that of being truly human, something that Thich Nat Hahn has spoken of, and the other side is that of an animal in the wild. While those of us who gravitate toward religion and spirituality would love to own the “truly human” side I believe that embodying this is something much simpler and lies within the realm of cognitive abilities. For this is what separates us from our fellow animals.

To be an animal is to react quickly, respond automatically to the environment and function in a more aggressive manner so that we can secure our survival for as long as possible. To be truly human or, rather, deeply human, is to utilize our frontal lobe development and understand our existence in order to live it in a way that brings us what we and all other animals want, happiness or what I like to think of as contentment.

Animals fight for territory, for resources and for control within groups in order to feel a sense of safety. While it is doubtful that animals contemplate death they are aware that they have to survive, even if it is on a more automatic level. It seems that the genese of every living organism has this instinct to survive. Even the bacteria on your hands, in your mouth and the mildew growing in your shower. It all strives to grow, to live and to exist in ideal conditions for living. But when I take a good look at our way of living I can’t help but see that this animal side to us humans has gone a litle wild given that we have this wonderful ability to think, understand and act deliberately.

Armed with a frontal lobe we are kings of this planet. We are the dominant species of animals. We won every contest and continue to find ways to master and create our environment. It’s really quite amazing when we take a look at what our human race has accomplished. Not only have we individually been able to survive thousands of years but we have also banned together to help others survive. Grocery stores, apartment buildings, public transportation, public aid, Medicare, Social Security, etc. The list of things that have been created to help others, who are not even yet born or conceived, is amazing. In fact, we have found a way to live that can ensure that every human being alive right now can stay alive via basic means such as food, water, shelter and clothing. The amount of goods and resources that we have enables us to take care of one another. When I take the time to look at this from a more objective perspective, this is quite amazing. We did all of this! Together! But yet we still fight and kill one another. We speak ill of one another, emotionally cut off others from and refrain from giving certain people love. What is driving all of this?

Before I begin to attempt to answer this question I must note that I do not wish to engage in minute detail. Rather, I wish to remain focused on the bigger picture. One could easily get lost in details, especially when discussing past wrongs such as the genocide of the Native Americans or the religious wars that have gone on for thousands of years in the middle east. What I wish to focus on is the interaction between the animal aspect of being human and the human-human side or the cognitive abilities of humans.

Simply put, what we seem to do is bring in the animal survival instincts into the world of cognition. In this land of plenty we have extended what it means to survive. To a great degree, we have distorted what it means to survive and have created two versions of this. The first version is animal survival (basic needs to sustain our bodies like food, etc.) and the second version is based in our thinking, what I will call our ego survival. Ego survival is where we can get easily lost in details because it is based on how we think about and relate to our physical and social world. Humans work to survive even though their survival has been secured. So if we combine our animalistic survival traits with the ability to think ahead, to know the natural laws of birth and death then this is where we get a little nutty. This is where our humanity goes a bit wild.

Deep down, we all know that we are going to die. Our frontal lobe, which is good friends with the animal parts of our brain, figured out that death will happen. And somewhere along the way our frontal lobe told the animal brain in us this unfortunate news. The animal brain, which is armed with very powerful survival instincts, kicks into gear and tries to find ways around rather large predicament. Since it is very resourceful it enlists the help of the cognitive functions that gave it the bad news in the first place. Not knowing any better, the frontal lobe is duped, convinced that it must work with the old brain to find a way out of this problem. The animal side says to the frontal lobe, “Hey, you’re one smart cookie. Even though you realized this fact for which I wish you hadn’t we can use your talents! Let’s try to figure out a way around this!” “Hey, that sounds like a good idea because like you, I don’t want to die and wish to survive. Even though I came to this realization I’m scared just like you. So yeah, let’s work together on this.”

From this partnership the ego or what psychology often refers to as the “self” is created. The term “self” is simply a concept and along with images, observations of behavioral patterns, etc. we come to define the self as a thing. And this is the ability of the frontal cortex. It is conceptual. It is a part of a system that recognizes patterns and categorizes things along with the animal aspects of the brain. So, working together, these two systems (really they are one but it is easier to illustrate by creating a bit of a distinction) create an idea. And ideas, like any other thought, are intangible. What a perfect system! It can’t be disproved! For example, let us argue against the notion that we have souls. Can we even do so!? No! We can’t because what is being argued is solely contained within the mind of a person. There isn’t anything scientific to measure, identify, etc. Thus, for the individual who fears death (and I would be one of them) the idea of a “self” or a soul is very comforting. Another person can argue against this (which I pretty much am) but there is no way to disprove anything. In addition, there is no way to prove anything either. Thus, between two people this topic remains at a stand still and each person goes on believing whatever they wish. In this way, our survival instinct has succeeded in guaranteeing our continued existence and it is through a set of concepts that this happens.

Simply put, we have a set of thoughts that reside within us, we create a system that has some plausibility to it and then we stick to the beliefs. And by sticking to the beliefs we ensure, so we think, our survival. However, how is this a problem?

Well, the problem with believing in a fixed self is that this goes against the natural laws, that all things change, that all things depend upon other things to exist and that nothing is fixed because everything comes into existence and immediately falls out of existence. Everything is born in an instant and dies before the instant is over because it changes. Cells within our bodies dies, but we maintain that our bodies don’t change. Rather, there is the illusion that it does not change or that it changes very little. By holding onto these inaccurate beliefs we begin to attribute other things to the self. Characteristics, descriptors, values, etc. We then begin to define ourselves by the car we drive, the house we own, the clothes we wear, the hair style we maintain, etc. And we feel pain when something larger changes because it goes against this fixed image of ourselves that the survival instincts have created. If I lost both my legs I would feel pain, loss and sadness in the beginning because the fixed idea that I have of myself and of my future self is a person who can run around, walk, take the stairs, etc. As much as I would like to be able to say that I could go with the flow of such a change...well, that would be unrealistic for me. Maybe someone like Jesus or Buddha could do this but not me. At least, not yet!

While all of this works what practical use does this have? Here I am basically saying that you’ll die and there’s nothing you can do about it...what the hell is my point? My point is, by holding so tight onto this notion of the self and our identity we create additional harm in the world where we could actually create contentment in ourselves and others. Our survival instincts start to run wild on us and we end up being greedy, aggressive, judgmental and we refrain from caring deeply about ourselves and others in the process. The result is massive amounts of competition for things we don’t need. Wars begin and fights are started over things that don’t really matter in the end. Millions go hungry, live without shelter, education and decent health care. We destroy this planet and remain separated to the point of feeling so painfully lonely and misunderstood or judged by others. But there is some good news to all of this. There is middle ground to be had.

Because nothing stops us from believing in what we want to or choose to (don’t know about you but my beliefs are pretty strong about certain things like what I’ve written here) we can acknowledge the fact that proof on matters such as the soul are pretty much non-existent. If we’re deeply and even painfully honest with ourselves we come to this truth...hence, this is very definition of faith. When individuals have realized this fact it seems that differences start to fall away and there is an increased level of unity, compassion and similarities are highlighted rather than fighting over differences and who’s ego is right. There’s nothing stopping us from believing what we believe so go for it. I can’t change you’re mind, only you can so you’re beliefs are safe! Given this, we can put the fights that our ego’s are having with one another aside and take another look at how we live together. We can also ask ourselves HOW do we want to live together given our similarities and differences. Everything is workable and we share more similarities than differences when you look at how we function. Our unique expressions are different but they are within the same basic areas such as language, clothing, eating, etc.

My hope, regardless of whether you agree with me, is that we can tame our animal instincts and live as humans. True humans with big beautiful brains and wondrous creativity and compassion. I have much to improve on, I would just like to improve with everyone else in the world.

I sincerely wish each and every one of you a long and healthy life full of family, friends and beauty.
- Tak-Seng

Karma, Letting Go and Side-View Mirrors

2010-08-30T09:05:00.002-07:00

Last night I found out that some kids were driving around and decided to vandalize a couple of cars, mine being one of them, where they busted the side view mirrors. While the picture above is not my car the sight would not be very different. When I realized what had happened I was surprised more than anything. Surprised that someone would do this but that was only for a few moments. After I thought about it, it made sense to me...because there was a lack of sense to it. Regardless of the specific reason it had occurred and this incident will remain with someone for years to come. But this gave me an opportunity to reflect on some things. Karma, impermanence and letting go.

After my initial surprise, I found myself letting go and rather relaxed about it. There was nothing that I could do so why even bother being so upset about it. I can’t catch the kids. I can’t travel back in time. And being upset about the situation doesn’t change anything about what happened or needs to happen to have it fixed. So, it is what it is. Sure, I’ll grumble and shake my head a bit as I sign the credit card slip for the repair bill but really, that will be the end of it. It was refreshing to respond this way to the situation. Freeing really.

As I continued to reflect I thought about karma. While I think that the Buddhist view of karma is based more on a direct cause and effect relationship (i.e., I hurt someone and they respond to me with this in memory) I extended my reflection to include the broader notion of karma that is sometimes used. Meaning, the energy you put out in the world is the energy you get back from the world. As my thoughts moved more toward this I realized that much of the energy that I put into the world has been more defensive and closed. Auspicious synchronicity has not been a regular occurrence in my life for some time now. I believe that this has to do with my basic approach to people. I’ve responded to situations, more and more, in ways that are more closed off and protective of myself. This is not helpful and I now see the error of this intentional and emotional position.

Other events, interactions with others and this event have been helping me realize that my inner position needs to be one of much more openness. I have been a bit stuck in cycles of avoiding (others and events) and protection (of my emotional self) but these appear to be coming to an end. With the wonderful support of my wife, colleagues and friends I am realizing how I can move forward and focus on being in the world that I value the most. One that contains more open and genuine interactions with others. Interactions that are not based in tension but rather, acceptance and relaxation. The important thing for me to remember is to practice, creating the causes to support the ongoing conditions.

By surrendering to the moment, letting go of an agenda and moving more with the flow of what is present without hurrying to an end. This is very important. Meditating on the insights stated above and to promote an inner sense of curiosity about the present moment...to move with the fleeting nature of the present moment. To take a step back and look at the situation, to chill out and open up to others rather than mentally pushing them away to defend. This stance does not help.

So, the momentum has begun and the work that needs to be done is known. Now it is time for the work to be engaged in a calm, gentle and continuous fashion. My heart knows what needs to be done and its simplicity can help calm the chaotic processing of thoughts and information. Knowing and Being...that is where my heart lies.

Added Meaning and The Undercurrent

2010-08-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Problem

This insight came during the beginning of March or end of February in 2009. This originally began when I was in supervision and was told that I personalize situations too much. Meaning, that when external interpersonal events occur, I assume responsibility for the emotions of the other. Therefore, when I ask people questions of a personal nature, which is likely going into the area for which they have much anxiety, and they respond with resistance, discomfort, anxiety or with defenses I then assume that I am responsible for this. This has developed in recent years as a result of intense, frequent and volatile interactions with individuals who are close to me. Before, I would ask questions of a personal nature and had poor boundaries. Now, I have better boundaries but this is partly driven by my anxiety. When someone responds to me with anxiety (an emotion other than joy or excitement) then I believe, subconsciously, that I need to refrain from doing so. I am adding meaning to the interaction and that meaning is, “I am the cause to their discomfort and we should be able to achieve a higher degree of mental health without going beyond the point when anxiety binders kick in.” But this is not the case. So here, I am adding meaning to most everything and this in-the-moment process was seen in my mind’s eye.

The next day during supervision I received the message, “What you may think is may not be what is.” At least, this is how I phrase it. The message was to open up and allow for more possibilities. What is interpreted may not be the case. It may simply be what it is. So, allow for some more room.

Riding the Undercurrent: mitigating added meaning

By understanding how added meaning arises and watching it in process and in the moment, a way out can be seen. As the way out was felt and experienced, some themes started to become apparent. The added meaning is based in a belief that I am inherently faulty and that if something is going wrong in a situation for which I am a part of (wrong here means that if something does not go perfectly or if someone becomes upset in my presence) then the assumption is that I must have caused it. What this does is strip away the other person’s responsibility for their feelings, thoughts and actions. Therefore, I am breaking a psychological boundary. It is my belief that this is a product of internalizing this message from those closest to me. “If you were different then I wouldn’t have this problem. Why do you have to be different and express how you feel!?” This is the message that I have internalized. Therefore, in nearly all situations, I function with this in mind. Unless the person I am with is a very accepting and nurturing person. Of course, for me to depend upon the other person’s way of being renders me stuck in this same cycle. So the task is for me to find a personal solution. In fact, this is all that I can do.

By recognizing added meaning in the moment (which means to be aware of the added meaning that I bring into a situation), I can let go of it or keep it at a healthy distance. Part of being able to do this is based in acceptance. I have to accept that I do have these thoughts and then I have to accept that these thoughts are not likely accurate. The reality is, I may be a part of a situation that results in difficulty but surely I do not own the entire problem. That would give me a massive amount of power and this I do not have. I don’t have the power to make these people happy…it seems that the power I have is in making them unhappy. Thus, by examining this I see that they are giving me the power because I fail in other attempts. Therefore;

I do not have control over other people

The result here is to then remind myself and believe in the fact that I do not “make” anyone feel anything. I can safely deny this statement, verbally or internally, when I am told this. If someone tells me that I “make them feel something, it simply is not true and it is an assumption that they mistakenly make. So here is one step:

I cannot be responsible for how someone else thinks, feels or behaves

Despite these two truths, I still play a part in the situation and have the power to influence reactions. However, my influence is not certain. We all know that there are trends in how people respond. Most respond with a smile when they are smiled at. Most respond with anger and fear if they are yelled at. So, here are some basic things that I can try to do to increase a positive and effective interaction.

Now, understanding that I, like everyone else, add meaning to things, I can look for the meaning in their words, actions and emotions. When I posit that someone’s actions appear to demonstrate that they are not fully attentive in conversation and they argue over the definition of “attentive,” what I am really hearing is the underlying meaning. Which is probably, “I have viewed myself as a good listener and it is painful for me to think that it might be true that I am not always a good listener. It is very hurtful for me to think this or even consider it so I am going to try to find a way to ensure that this is not true. Therefore, my defense against this is to argue or debate you over the definition.” Obviously, one does not directly or consciously think of this but this is the process that is going on. Consequently, I can listen for the meaning behind what people say and do. This is a practice of stepping back, mentally and emotionally, from the interaction while I am in the middle of it. More specifically, don’t place too much emphasis on the words as they are only small clues to what is underneath. Instead, feel the meaning in the situation. Feel the themes in their words and speak to this. The mind naturally finds the language to relate it to the current situation. So putting excessive effort into words is not necessary. So here, the wisdom says:

Lightly listen to the meaning, the themes and the whispers behind the words and speak to those. Trust in yourself as your mind will naturally find the words to use in the situation.

And lastly, an important piece of this for me is compassion for oneself. My tendency is to engage very shameful thoughts and beliefs. These underlie nearly every moment in the day. When I am driving I assume blame for the person who is behind me wanting me to go faster even though I am going 5-10 over. I assume blame when someone misinterprets my actions or inaction. That it is all my fault because I should know how to read everyone’s mind. What I am missing here is a celebratory stance regarding my constant intention to help other people. And this is my intention all of the time. I do my best to be a good person and there is a way that I live my life. There are certain values that I have. And these values are important to me, they are needed so that I can live a well balanced life that contains contentment and love. Therefore, the wisdom here is:

Take comfort in your compassionate and other-centered intentions. You work to balance your needs and the needs of others as best as you can. You work to limit potential harm to others and are thoughtful. You can feel really good about yourself and if someone becomes upset with you, you can have compassion for them and engage the situation with love for yourself and the other person. From this, your intention is always to resolve matters. Thus, you can believe in this and positively in yourself.

And lastly;

It is likely that you will always add meaning to events. It is also likely that everyone else will do the same. Therefore, you can count on this, believe in the goodness of yourself and others and engage each person and each situation with openness by listening and attending to The Undercurrent in life.

Getting Back to the Basic Mind: Getting in Touch with the Source

2010-08-30T09:04:00.001-07:00

Over the past few weeks I have been engaging in tasks aimed at changing my relationship with the World, with Mind and the Source. While the separation of these things is arbitrary it is nonetheless my experience that they are subtly separate and unified. Regardless, the purpose of the tasks have been to address the imbalances within me, in all directions. What has been quite auspicious is that I have had circumstances that have allowed me to confront my assumptions and mistaken views.

There has been pain, discomfort, uneasiness, fear and anger. Following these there has been a decrease in confusion and an increase in openness, expansiveness, insight, wonder, groundedness, honesty, vision, delicate determination, consistency, thoroughness, commitment, warmth, acceptance, kindness, curiosity, patience, clarity, energy and space. The correlates between the spiritual, philosophical and psychology traditions are beginning to be experientially felt. There has also been a decrease in worry and fear, which has mostly resulted in the opening of the heart-mind.

This evening has provided simple space. An evening off of deliberate task and attachment to any given action. Flow has been allowed to re-enter because there is space enough for it. The patterns of dark attachment and clinging are beginning to loosen, to lose their grip and faith is arising. Faith in the Source, Faith in what has past and now makes sense, Faith in the unknown and the importance of it, Faith in oneself, Faith in trusting oneself and the Source.

So this is where I rest, where I lie this evening. While there is still a small battle for control going on within my mind, Mara is beginning to see that the fight is pointless for the path to victory and mastery over him is coming to an end. Soon, things will be different for Mara. Very different. Soon, Mara will recall the days when he was no longer in charge and he will see how to let go of his bloated and false sense of self-importance will be in his best interest.

Mara, to surrender would be wise. For the practices that will continue, the work that will be done can only lead to one end and that is your submission. So allow us to conserve energy, to work together and reside in the space that we deeply desire and have known. Let us return to this place together. Your fear is understood, it is sensible but trust the what you know to be truth, that to move through it and arrive on the other side of it is most wise.

Embrace the pain Mara, embrace the pain and go to the place of rest. There, you and I can begin the rest of our life in contentment, charity and the warmest sense of loving-kindness that we have ever experienced. Let us do this for us and for everyone else too. Let us work together now and let the warring end.

Being Loved and the Need for Control

2010-08-30T09:03:00.001-07:00

Having recently had knee surgery, I’ve had to let go of my ability to control things, to be self-directed and rely on the help of others. Being the one who is usually in control, this is especially challenging for me. It’s kind of funny to me too because when I think about what a marriage consists of, it is about two people loving and supporting one another. Yet, for me to allow my wife the simple task of helping me out in this time of need is anxiety provoking. Ironic in a big way and very telling.

The role that I put myself in is that of the one who is to be there for everyone else. And when it comes time for others to be there for me I have a tendency to push them away. This goes against an inner desire though. I wish to be cared for, I wish for others to look out for me but when it actually comes time for this to happen I shy away or wish to shy away from it. “It’s my job to help everyone else,” is what I think. Yet, it is a very good thing to be cared for and to allow others to care for me. Now, I can sit here and type this very intellectual statement but it does not ring true to my deeper and more unconscious functioning. Therefore, taking a deeper and more emotional look at things is more important.

Growing up I learned that the only person that I could rely on to take care of me and to look out for my best interests was myself. If I tried to convey a message to my mother it was met with an inability to return or respond to me. Now, let me make one thing clear here. When I speak of my parents or earlier upbringing it is not in the vein of blaming them. It is more “matter of fact” than that. It is more of the way that mathematicians might look at an equation, logicians look at an argument or how Buddhists would look at cause and effect. With that said and hopefully understood by the reader, I will look into the patterns of functioning that have led to the development of certain traits or characteristics.

So my mother had so much going on inside of her that she was not able to be there for me as I had hoped and needed as a child. Her emotionally needs were so great that they took priority for her. And honestly, this makes total sense to me because in the generations within her family, as far back as I am aware of, this cycle was present. But what I have missed is the other half of my inner equation. The side of my father.

While my father’s parents, whom I knew well and had frequent contact with, were nice people they also had their own needs that took priority. I would learn from my father later on that my grandmother’s ability to disagree, become upset or angry was near impossible. She was apparently terrified, if I can use that word, of emotional conflict and disagreement. She apparently lived like this with her husband and also raised her children in a similar manner. While I experienced her as a wonderful and loving grandmother, she was not able to function evenly. Meaning, that she struggled to express the full range of emotional responses in front of others. She apparently had a lot of anxiety in close relationships where nothing bad could be said. With this anxiety present, her ability to emotionally connect with her own children, my father, was greatly limited. In addition, my grandfather was of a very schizoid personality where he remained within his own little world. In combination with a degenerative nerve condition, I would know very little from him. Even though I was present in his life for nearly 20 years, I cannot say that I knew the man. He rarely spoke and when he did, it was in a way that seemed quite disconnected from the world.

So as a child, I experienced a mother who had been severely emotionally abused as a child who had little room for her children. I would experience my caring and kind father as someone who was there for me but struggled to connect emotionally. I cannot say or emphasize it enough, I love my parents dearly and am happy that I was raised by them, regardless of what was healthy/unhealthy or what some might call the good and the bad. But what it has left me, even in adulthood, is a tendency to function very independently in an effort to meet my own needs. Therefore, it is difficult for me to trust when others go to help because I am used to an agenda. That agenda is prioritized with a focus that is first on themselves and then second, maybe, on others. Therefore, for me to allow someone to help me goes against this family story, my story and it challenges me to live in a different way.

Now some of you who are reading this might wonder, “why go into so much detail with this Tak-Seng?” Part of the reason that I do is because this process of writing these things down allows me to sit with the truth of my history and gain insight. Psychologists and philosophers of old have often called their writings, “meditations.” And that is exactly what this process is for me. A meditation, a time when I can focus in on the reality of past, how it influences my present and then with all of this information I can see holes or different options or paths that lead to future actions. And this is the process that I engage in, in order to change things up. Sometimes it takes multiple writings for change to begin and sometimes the writings are reminders, to maintain the change that has already occurred. Nonetheless.

So, I sit here with a deeper understanding and internal picture of my family of origin. For some time I have been focused upon the origin with regard to one side of my family, my mother’s side. Therefore, I have neglected taking a deeper look into my father’s side of the family but this is also indicative of a pattern.

I have already established that my father’s side has struggled to speak of, accept and experience the “negative” or “not so helpful things” about them and their interactions. It follows that this pattern, having been passed on to me in part at least, has led to a neglectful approach to my family of origin. Meaning, one side has been focused upon. To focus upon my father’s side goes against that family story. Like the borderline traits that creep up in all of us, I have related to the bad object as my mother’s side of the family and the good object is my father’s side.

I must admit that I find this a little humorous. I started therapy when I was 10 years old and spent so many sessions trying to figure out my psychological functioning with regard to my mother. I then stopped therapy around the age of 19-20 and for 12 years I did not return. It’s almost as if this break represents yet another adolescence where I would then return to therapy at the age of 32 to work on my functioning with regard to my father’s family. In addition to humor, I find this particularly intriguing on a more spiritual level. So as I work to understand more about my father’s side of the family I am also working to establish a long-term maintenance schedule for my psychological health. Thus, I am asking myself, how do I want to be now that I see all of the pieces fitting together.

With the jigsaw puzzle nearly complete, I wish to live differently. I wish to overcome the anxiety born in my youth and live a different way. Not only for myself but also for those around me. For my family, for my wife, for my friends and for our future children. Being in the field of psychology as a student practitioner, there are times when I see so much of a person’s functioning but wonder what to do with it all. How can I possibly keep all of this in mind? As a result, I have started to develop a form that summarizes a person’s functioning on multiple levels. In the future and upon completion, I will post it here so that any and all may use this tool.

Clarity: A Glimpse of Insight & An Understanding of Suffering

2010-08-30T09:00:00.001-07:00

The other day I was walking to Caribou on Halsted and Cornelia to study. As I walked south through the intersection of Grace, Broadway and Halsted I saw that there was a dead pigeon in the middle of the street. It was not run over by a car or anything but it was laying on its back. I gazed over at it for a second and I was saddened. I was saddened because it was dead, lying there as it was. My intellect knows that all things must die and it knows the oneness that we are all a part of but there was still sadness in my heart. A sorrow that I would likely feel if one of our cats were to die. A sadness that they were gone. But what I also noticed in that moment is that I have not had that same feeling with humans. My grandmother has passed away (I was closest to her out of everyone) and so has my grandfather and great uncle, they have all died. I was able to see my grandfathers body but I was not sad. I was happy for him that he was moving on, beyond the dementia and the struggle. My response to humans and death, it seems, is much different than it is with animals. I seem to have less compassion or humans and I believe that it is because I know that humans have the ability to choose and that animals do not have this ability. Our biology affords us choice through our enhanced structures (neocortex). I feel compassion toward animals because they do not have choice and they, therefore, are that much more determined by their circumstances. Furthermore, they remain in balance with the world. One species may adapt and become dominant but then another arises and balances them out. Or the food that they are seeking is now scarce and they start dying off. However, for us humans, we are far more destructive and remain out of balance with the nature inside of us and around us. We express this through much grasping.

So when a human dies, I cannot help but to think of how the world is better off because of how destructive we are, just by living in the numbers that we do. When I die, I will surely have a subjective experience of not wanting to die but I also admit that the world will be better, functionally, when I am gone. To live is to destroy and consume. To live means that we must create death to survive. It is simple as that. And while this is all well and good, I also see that my view is not as helpful as it could be. I am in need of some compassion in order to be a more real human being. The trouble is, I cannot manifest this compassion by creating it. It must come through the process of resting, residing, being and opening my experience to the vastness of god, the nature of all things, to the infinite universe. Furthermore, I am responding to the pigeon as I would a pet and there is attachment there. I am responding to humans as though they were the final cause of suffering and thus, engaging in blame. Both of these views that I hold are not accurate and are in need of adjusting via vajra. This contemplation is to aid in the establishment of vajra. So allow me to end with this.

As I look within the biology of humans and animals I see that there are different structures that give rise to certain adaptive abilities. Of the animals on this plant, we are quite interesting in that we can create, choose and think about the future. It is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing as it can bring us the greatest peace and a curse as it can bring us the worst suffering. But when I step back from it all, the animals and the humans are more similar than they are different. They engage in the same patterns. The human capacity for language and manipulating nature via complex thinking and fine motor movement is not all that special. It is quite unique but there are both helpful and unhelpful consequences to these abilities. Would the world be better off if our intellectual capacity was more limited? Yes, it would be. We would probably not be able to cause as much harm as we do. But we must learn to utilize our abilities just like a newborn creature in the wild must learn to walk, run, jump and react to its environment if it is going to survive. The difference between humans and animals is simply the difference that I attribute to them beyond these simple functional differences. Pets are loving and I forgive them when they do harm because I know that they do not know our world. I do not forgive humans all that easily because I believe that they should know better and if they don’t then I expect that they should be humble and open enough to find answers to questions. Yet, this is where I am not following vajra but am engaging in attachment and judgment. Forgiveness and compassion, one in the same, deep compassion yields forgiveness. Acceptance and forgiveness and selflessness yields compassion via Buddhism. Humans and animals are much alike, functioning out of ignorance and automation until they realize that they have a choice. Therefore, I must be able to forgive and accept all and the level of choice is determined by subtle layers of understanding that take a lifetime to develop. Therefore, to forgive and accept, to work with…but this does not mean being a doormat or not responding with sternness. Forgiveness and acceptance. In this direction I wish to move.

Everyday Challenges Stemming From Our Social History

2010-08-30T08:59:00.001-07:00

Within Buddhism, the distinction between self and other is defuse and it is emphasized that this separation is illusory in light of the insight regarding oneness. More simply, how you treat yourself is how your will treat others (but whether you express this will be censored by your awareness of social norms because we all seek a certain level of social acceptance). A theme of taking better care of myself has been running ramped in my life, and I have welcomed. What is interesting is that as I change, so does my social environment. As I change, my interactions change. The people that surround me currently are used to the way that I have been and now that changes are being made there is increased tension. Unfortunately, it seems, that as I attempt to address the tension it becomes too much for some individuals and the relationship disintegrates or dies off. Several relationships have already been drastically changed. To a degree, this saddens me but it’s okay in my book. We all choose what we will do. I have chosen to confront certain tensions and difficulties that I have had in my interactions with others. Unfortunately, it appears that problem resolution is not something that some people have a skill for. I think that it may have to do, primarily, with our fears about exposing our more vulnerable side. Our sincere side. In addition, if we don’t believe that people are fundamentally good then we don’t have faith in the outcome of these difficult situations. Thus, we accept defeat prior to the engagement. Making any efforts toward resolution pointless. What is important is to recognize our intentions, assumptions and thoughts/feelings. It is then important that we are able to express them toward one another with the understanding that we are trying to resolve the situation. Therefore, we must also be aware of the end that we are striving toward. I find that simply learning, empathizing and deeply understanding one another renders peace quite quickly and that is when the compassionate nature of human beings is very evident.

And while the idea and act of listening, inquiring, reflecting and contemplating together is quite simple and straightforward...it seems extremely challenging for all of us to get to the point where we can do it. Why? I think that this is where our social history arises. This history is that of any social interaction that we have ever had. Our family history, friends, schoolmates, society at large and even strangers. Whether we are aware of it or not, our social interactions stick with us and they change our future interactions, even if it is just a little bit. Some think that those of us who bring such things up are dwelling and that we are not moving on. This is partly true but there is also truth to the effect. I concede the point on dwelling (attachment in Buddhist terms) but only on the basis that one can let go of it if they are well practiced in mindfulness (in whatever form that is). If the person that is making the claim of dwelling is more inflexible then letting go is not likely to be their strong point. Therefore, such interactions probably stick with them in the long run without them being aware of it. Nonetheless, my point here is that our social history forms and informs our future interactions with others. Some we let go of, some we do not. In the end, there is an effect that we will be forced to deal with. Meditators may practice and continuously let go of it but its potential as a thought is there, it has a history. If we are not meditators then it is best if we can contemplate, make cathartic progress or, ideally, make peace with the individual where the tension still remains.

I would love to be able to sit here and layout a plan that anyone could follow that would lead to a quick change, that would allow this process of understanding to be engaged, but I’m afraid that I do not have this to offer. However, what I do know is that my own history lines up well with what has been taught in psychology and much more so in Buddhism. The most vital component to this is the willingness to explore within and to engage others in that exploration without running away or cutting off contact. This willingness naturally leads to the actual exploration. Exploring within oneself is one necessary component and then the willingness to explore with another person or group of people is the next component. So there is an inward to outward approach. Next, I see a mutual acknowledgement of what is both inner and in between. Inner, that which goes on within us individually, and in between is the exploration of what transpires between two people when two inners meet. This is what I know to work but I am not sure how to help others get there and this is both my personal and professional challenge.

As a psychologist in training, I will need to increase my patience. This I have become aware of and it relates to my own history, as a child. I grew up the peacemaker in my family, much desiring of peace because most of what was experienced was chaotic, volatile and lacking in unconditional love, support, compassion and empathy. However, I did have individuals in my life that did represent these positive things. Unfortunately, the volatility won out in in frequency...but it did not win the war. What remains with me is the love and compassion. Those in my life who have influenced me in this way, shown me how to be compassionate, know who they are and I am indebted to them forever. Nonetheless, my path was long, hard and it required (and still requires) a watchful eye on moment to moment inner and outer processes. I have come to know the process of healing but from the limited perspective of the one healing myself. As I go to assist others or to simply be friends with others I find that my tolerance for drama is low. But this is an indicator that my sangha (here I use this term as those who are closest to me) lacks in unconditional acceptance and support. Consequently, I am lacking in unconditional acceptance and support toward myself and others. My demand upon others to function healthier is in service of my strong desire to have a more enlightened sangha. Mostly because it is very difficult to engage our natural freedom when we face a myriad of social expectations and pressures. Especially when we don’t fit the mold that others seem to believe is the best (i.e., I am not a Christian, I believe that school grades are of less importance compared to critical understanding and application of material...). Allow me to digress into my history for a moment.

When I was 19, my father had remarried and I had decided to move out. I was not sure where I was going to go but I knew that I was looking for something very different. It was not until I moved to Arizona, by myself and without knowing a single person, was I able to experience a greater freedom. Nobody had any expectations of me there. I noticed this insight and my understanding of it was quite vivid. My father had driven with me in the Uhaul truck to assist me with the move. After a few days of us working together and him helping me out (which I dearly appreciate to this day) it was time for me to take him to the airport. I dropped him off and then returned home to my new one bedroom apartment. I entered the apartment, grabbed the ashtray, set it next to the cushy chair that I had known since I was a child and sat down facing the large window in the living room. As I gazed out into the center courtyard of the complex I lit my cigarette and settled. I was home. I was in my first home. And what was nice is that my home was peaceful...I felt deeply peaceful. Content, relaxed and vastly open to all things. As I sat there, enjoying the feeling of the cigarette and playing gently with the smoke in the cool air I then realized the magnitude of what I had done. I was alone. My social network was nowhere to be found. And then the questions and realizations started to rise naturally. If nobody knows me...who do I want to be? Without a history with anyone I can become anyone. Wow. And so I resided in the openness and freedom in that feeling and realization. Then I had a little fun with it. I could become anyone so I mentally experimented with some fun options like wearing makeup, being extremely eccentric, etc. And after a while of entertaining myself I came to what felt most right. “I’m going to be the person that I am to the depths. I am going to be who I ultimately am.” What was so cool about this is that I knew what that was. It was about moment to moment authenticity. And so that is what I began living. I met some wonderful and amazing people. My spiritual practice soared (a.k.a., psychological/Buddhist practice). But then it was time for me to return to Chicago. Since I returned to my home metro area, the social influences have lured me back to my social history. Even though I lived as “Conner” in Arizona...Mike and Michael crept back up on me. Now, I am functioning like a hybrid of the two but wish to return to Conner. My challenge arises when I acknowledge the social challenge of living as a free being.

No longer do I have a sangha that is open and accepting of me. Those relationships have faded by distance and lack of contact. Changes in life have led to this, by my own doing and by the doing of others. A system of social interactions that have influenced me, that I have responded to, etc. The lack of a sangha is something that increases my perceived need for what the sangha brought about within me. A feeling of acceptance and love. A similar notion to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. While I would love to say that I am not in need of this, I am. I think that we are all in need of this. So my challenge, our challenge, is to surround ourselves with people who love and accept us but we would be mistaken to think that these relationships will not experience tension. One can still accept another and result in tension at times. But it is how we get through this tension that is important. Do we cut off the relationship? Do we pursue dialogue until understanding is obtained? This is our individual choice, if we are aware enough to actually make a choice. If we are not strong in our mindfulness, then we will engage the patterns that we have learned in our social history. In my social history, relationship cutoffs have been present but I choose not to cut off relationships with others. I strive to make peace and find understanding, common ground. However, I have recognized that I cannot control if someone else chooses to cut things off. This is where the in between comes in. If the whole is comprised of two and one of the two is not present, then there ceases to be a whole.

Personally, I feel that we all wish to improve the relationships that we have around us or, at least, wish for them to be optimal. But because our histories and individual differences achieving this takes work and commitment. The question for each of us is whether we have the commitment and desire to retain our relationships or will we discard them. Personally, I wish to keep them. However, this is not up to just me. It is up to the other person. But I believe that I will be a better person if I work to remain mindful, to look within, to practice focusing, listening and remaining open to explorations within dialogue and understanding. I also believe that it is important to change our own behaviors as we learn and this will naturally lead to different interactions with others.

This life is a crazy experience, full of challenges. Things are sometimes very confusing and other times they make total sense. I wish us well as we try to face our own difficulties and I wish for my personal improvements in patience and compassion to be improved so that I can be better for everyone, myself included. After all, I have to live with myself 24/7 so it’s probably a good idea to first cultivate a good relationship with myself.

Thanks for allowing me to babble and work through some of this. Thank you Apple for making this site and blog entry possible.

Good luck to you all and I wish you all compassion and love.

Compassion for Humans

2010-08-30T08:58:00.001-07:00

The other day I was walking to Caribou on Halsted and Cornelia to study. As I walked south through the intersection of Grace, Broadway and Halsted I saw that there was a dead pigeon in the middle of the street. It was not run over by a car or anything but it was laying on its back. I gazed over at it for a second and I was saddened. I was saddened because it was dead, lying there as it was. My intellect knows that all things must die and it knows the oneness that we are all a part of but there was still sadness in my heart. A sorrow that I would likely feel if one of our cats were to die. A sadness that they were gone. But what I also noticed in that moment is that I have not had that same feeling with humans. My grandmother has passed away (I was closest to her out of everyone and so has my grandfather and great uncle, they have all died. I was able to see my grandfathers body but I was not sad. I was happy for him that he was moving on, beyond the dementia and the struggle. My response to humans and death, it seems, is much different than it is with animals. I seem to have less compassion or humans and I believe that it is because I know that humans have the ability to choose and that animals do not have this ability. Our biology affords us choice through our enhanced structures (neocortex). I feel compassion toward animals because they do not have choice and they, therefore, are that much more determined by their circumstances. Furthermore, they remain in balance with the world. One species may adapt and become dominant but then another arises and balances them out. Or the food that they are seeking is now scarce and they start dying off. However, for us humans, we are far more destructive and remain out of balance with the nature inside of us and around us. We express this through much grasping.

So when a human dies, I cannot help but to think of how the world is better off because of how destructive we are, just by living in the numbers that we do. When I die, I will surely have a subjective experience of not wanting to die but I also admit that the world will be better, functionally, when I am gone. To live is to destroy and consume. To live means that we must create death to survive. It is simple as that. And while this is all well and good, I also see that my view is not as helpful as it could be. I am in need of some compassion in order to be a more real human being. The trouble is, I cannot manifest this compassion by creating it. It must come through the process of resting, residing, being and opening my experience to the vastness of god, the nature of all things, to the infinite universe. Furthermore, I am responding to the pigeon as I would a pet and there is attachment there. I am responding to humans as though they were the final cause of suffering and thus, engaging in blame. Both of these views that I hold are not accurate and are in need of adjusting via vajra. This contemplation is to aid in the establishment of vajra. So allow me to end with this.

As I look within the biology of humans and animals I see that there are different structures that give rise to certain adaptive abilities. Of the animals on this plant, we are quite interesting in that we can create, choose and think about the future. It is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing as it can bring us the greatest peace and a curse as it can bring us the worst suffering. But when I step back from it all, the animals and the humans are more similar than they are different. They engage in the same patterns. The human capacity for language and manipulating nature via complex thinking and fine motor movement is not all that special. It is quite unique but there are both helpful and unhelpful consequences to these abilities. Would the world be better off if our intellectual capacity was more limited? Yes, it would be. We would probably not be able to cause as much harm as we do. But we must learn to utilize our abilities just like a newborn creature in the wild must learn to walk, run, jump and react to its environment if it is going to survive. The difference between humans and animals is simply the difference that I attribute to them beyond these simple functional differences. Pets are loving and I forgive them when they do harm because I know that they do not know our world. I do not forgive humans all that easily because I believe that they should know better and if they don’t then I expect that they should be humble and open enough to find answers to questions. Yet, this is where I am not following vajra but am engaging in attachment and judgment. Forgiveness and compassion, one in the same, deep compassion yields forgiveness. Acceptance and forgiveness and selflessness yields compassion via Buddhism. Humans and animals are much alike, functioning out of ignorance and automation until they realize that they have a choice. Therefore, I must be able to forgive and accept all and the level of choice is determined by subtle layers of understanding that take a lifetime to develop. Therefore, to forgive and accept, to work with…but this does not mean being a doormat or not responding with sternness. Forgiveness and acceptance. In this direction I wish to move.

Death Denying...?

2010-08-30T08:57:00.001-07:00

Tonight I have been witness to the denial of death that so many of us have. The sticks that I stir my coffee with are now wrapped in something so that I can’t get any germs. In Europe now, symphonies have to play music that does not go above a certain decibel level. It concerns me how we are willing to further destroy the earth by cutting down more trees and burning more pollutants into our environment (which then contributes to killing us) in order to maintain our denial of death. As a being who is human, alive and conscious (I think), the state does not want me to have rights to my body. It is not mine to decide what to do with at all times. What a shame and what a great concern this is.

I’m all for starting up government programs to help improve people’s health (proactively then reactively) and enhance the basics of life (food, shelter and education) but as for these laws…I really have a hard time with them. I get concerned because I see the worsening of some things and the encouragement to deny and avoid those topics that we feel most anxious about. It is dangerous to deny and avoid. We all do it to an extent but I encourage both myself and others to work at facing the fears and anxieties. To think about them and look for answers, understanding and wisdom.

We must all die because we are alive. You will die and it could be in the next hour. We just don’t know. It is the way things have been, it is how things will always be. Do not allow your fear of this to run your life, allow your life to decide when you are afraid. Help us refrain from destroying the world by facing your fear. Be well and when you meet death, may you allow yourself to experience it with a purely open mind.

Finding Your Authentic Voice

2010-08-30T08:56:00.001-07:00

Authenticity...being....genuineness...a difficult yet simple thing to do. We each grow up in a family that has a particular way of doing things. Similarly, we are raised in a certain culture or sub-culture, city, state, country, etc. We are greatly affected by the social customs and we internalize so many messages, ways of doing things and we carry them with us throughout the years. These patterns, as I see them, are learned so early on and for the great majority of us, we’re not aware that this process occurs in childhood and even adulthood. As a result, we become automated or what some call an “automaton.” Now, I don’t know about you but when I hear this my immediate reaction is that I do not wish to be an automated person. I might imagine that some might feel a bit defensive upon reading this statement. “I’m not an automaton! I choose what I choose all the time! How dare you say this!” This response is quite understandable but know that it is not an attack but rather, it is more accurate to say that it is an observation about how humans function. Also, it does not mean that you or I will always be this way. We do have free will and our ability to choose. We also have the ability to become authentic, genuine and to know what it means to “reside in our own being.” But this is not the way things start out for us and we need to understand this in order to find freedom from it.
   As children, we are especially sponge-like. We soak up every little thing in our environment. As I’ve studied myself, others and psychology more and more, I have become more aware as to the likely degree of this sponge-like quality. In psychology, we call it internalizing or introjecting. As children, we are fused with our immediate environment and the people within it. We work to do as they do and because we are particularly open to everything that comes our way and everything that we experience, we internalize just about every little piece of it. Many things we disregard if they are not repeated but when patterns are presented to us, we learn them. If we have a strong emotional reaction to something, then we are also likely to internalize these things (regardless of the number of times that it has occurred). As a result, we carry these things with us. Every little piece together makes up our own personal psychology. But finding our voice, our true and to the depths voice, is beyond this psychology.
   Our psychology is made up of the past, present and what we think about the future. Our true voice has no need for this. It’s beyond it, beneath and above it. The funny thing is, it’s always with us. We’re born with it and deep down inside we all carry it. But as our psychology grows, it becomes covered, smothered and even locked up in a cage. Part of embodying your true voice means that you have to let go of your psychology and allow it to be changed. Letting go of it does not mean getting rid of it, tossing it in the garbage can. It means not needing it. You can’t get rid of it even if you wanted to. Just like you can’t get rid of your thoughts. It’s just not possible. However, what you can do is loosen your grip upon it. Allow it to float a little. Allow the winds to move it back, forth and around. It’s still there, you’re still holding the string to it but by giving it some space you allow it to grow, blossom and become even more beautiful than it already is. Yet, if you don’t trust yourself, that you’ll hang onto the string or that the string won’t break, then you’ll continue grasping it tightly. Your fear will keep your voice imprisoned. Because you don’t know what it’s like to be free and listen to your voice you may experience great doubt about making such a change. And to make matters worse, if the people closest to you do not help you feel safe or loved, then it is likely that you’ll hold onto this personal psychology. Unless....you make a bold move to give it a try.
   I was fortunate in my early life despite a painful upbringing. Spiritual insight came quickly and almost by accident. But then the conditions that had been supporting this growth disappeared. Progress ceased and deterioration began. It has been years now of losing, decreased capacities, increased frustration and sadness but this journey has allowed me to better understand the world. There are still things and people that amaze, frighten and shock me. In these moments I fail to see, fail to understand, but this new journey, one that has rendered me weak, has brought about with it many gifts. Gifts that I don’t even yet realize that I have. While I could ask you to trust me, I know that you will need to find the Truth out by yourself and in your own time. The impatience that I feel regarding your progress is based on a strong desire for peace and that we can join each other in peace. Sure, differences will most certainly remain but fighting, attacking, killing and competing will be absent. We’ll argue but not to injure. We’ll do the opposite of each other but not because of ego or competition. Collaboration, mutual support and encouragement will be regular features. And every night at midnight there will be a brief moment where we silently, yet powerfully, acknowledge the beauty, the challenges and the insight gained from the day. This is why I am impatient, because I believe that such a life with many is possible. Cynics will surely mock statements such as these. Millions will have their own thoughts and response to this. But I ask you; does your heart not feel this longing too? This reality and way of life? Beyond any mocking, judgment or thought...don’t you wish for this to? A place where you can love others, receive the love of many and strive toward realizing and becoming your own uniqueness? If you can acknowledge your own response this, beneath what your psychology says...then I ask; are you working toward it?

I wish the world and all beings peace. Such deep peace that their eyes, body and heart relax.

The Ethnocentrism of Our Education

2010-08-30T08:55:00.002-07:00

As I continue my education in a clinical psychology doctorate program I am continuously struck by the degree of ethnocentrism that is present. Of course, I am in the great minority in that I have focused upon learning of Eastern philosophy and belief systems for many years now. Regardless, it is disappointing that in this day of information super-super highways we and the educators still have some big blinders on. What triggers this for me most of the time is the frequent references to the earliest psychological developments. Credit is given to Freud and few others that came before him. No credit is given to Buddhist practitioners who scientifically came to master the mind and turn it into a beautiful thing. It’s like the Eastern part of the world and its contributions don’t exist! This makes no sense to me at all.

Admittedly, what is a big part of our “pop-psychological” culture comes from Freud and the CBT genre of psychology there are other trends rising. Like the use of “mindfulness” in therapy. Since the introduction of such practices by third wave CBT theorists like Dr. Stephen Hayes and Dr. Marsha Linehan, mindfulness has become a bit trendy. Not to mention, yoga and meditation have definitely become trendy here in the States. For the former, there is a clearer understanding of the contributions from the East. In the latter, we rape Buddhism and Indian practices such as yoga and meditation by turning them into consumables and labels we can use for our egos. It seems that this also occurs within the psychological community.

What I am arguing for here is a call to give some credit to the East. China developed the first plow and attempted flight first. Let us give some credit. In India and Nepal a man was born who went about to understand how we work and how we can be deeply happy. He then taught a very systematic way that each of us could come to this. And in all honesty, I feel that his skill and knowledge kicked the crap out of Freud’s cocaine and narcissistically induced theories. Don’t get me wrong, Freud had some good stuff and he contributed a lot but I believe that he missed the mark a bunch (i.e., penis envy and the Electra complex). Regardless, I feel that it is time for psychologists (and Americans/Westerners at large) to get over the ethnocentrism and expand their horizons into the East. There are some things that Buddha and the Masters that followed him have come to understand that have profound implications for the very basis of our thinking and how we understand the world and ourselves. And even if you don’t buy all of Buddhism there is a lot that is very relevant. Personally, I’m not so sure about the reincarnation bit but that doesn’t stop me from acknowledging the many truths that are taught. Similarly, I don’t buy a lot of the stuff that comes out of Freud’s mouth but he does have some good contributions.

So Westerners, let’s bust out of our shell and give respect where it is due. It’s okay that other countries and cultures came to things before we did. A sign of our maturation is being able to acknowledge the strengths of others regardless of the impact that it has upon our ego.

Reflecting on Racism

2010-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Something in class stuck out for me when one person said that racism is in the context of the power and bigotry that has come from white people. While I agree with much of this and do not deny that the hatred and ignorance of white people and my ancestors has painfully shaped this country I found myself also thinking globally. I was wondering about whether white people have been the only racists throughout time.

Now, before I continue...If you read this and you are white, do NOT make the mistake of using this free form blog entry to minimize or excuse your racist and stereotypical tendencies. You have them so own them and do not dismiss them upon learning more. Regardless of how people function on a psychological or global scale, this does not excuse you or negate your responsibility or decrease the need for you to take a more honest look at yourself. So, don’t bullshit yourself and excuse whatever level of racism you hold, be it tiny or grande. Nuff said.

Since class, I have been contemplating the struggles in the world between people and how racism fits in to our global history. There is no doubt that the white population of the world is greatly responsible for attempting to destroy or convert nations of people. And they are also responsible for much genocide. In the U.S., there has been African Genocide and Native Genocide. The white population has been responsible for taking advantage of these innocent people, killing a number of them that I cannot conceive and treating them as subhuman. This was also done in South Africa (and the tensions continue there like they do in the U.S.), India and Australia. The European population and ancestry, for some reason, has been driven to convert everyone. I wonder, though, if all of this simply has to do with the color of a person’s skin. Don’t get me wrong, I do not doubt for one second that this plays a huge factor in the initial and ignorant decisions of racist people but what I’m curious about is how religion has played a part in this. In addition, I am curious to learn whether or not racism has occurred within other countries prior to being exposed to light skinned individuals from European ancestry.

The first of this, religion, is focused primarily on those with a Christian background (including Catholicism). Being a non-Christian myself, I have often felt as though people who wish that I believed the way that they do is feeling some need of safety and security. That our differences on this subject are of great anxiety and to calm this anxiety they desire for everyone to be the same. Ironically, they do not see how the harsh judgment and disrespect of other’s belief systems and peaceful way of living is the seed that sprouts into hatred, separation and political or physical wars. So, I’m wondering how this anxiety has come into play and feel that religious beliefs have been altered every so slightly to justify such hatred (which kind of reminds me of how Hitler and the KKK have misused and misunderstood Jesus’ teachings). But then this leads me to think back to when Jewish people were treated as the lower and slave class compared to the Egyptians. In a sense, there was racism there too, between the classes.

Thus, very far back this racist way of thinking was present. Now, while I am somewhat familiar with the history of the eastern civilizations, I do not know enough to say whether or not racism was present between, for instance, the Chinese and Japanese people, prior to their encounter with Europeans. If this is the case, then it would appear that with these two examples that racism is not solely a white-European issue. However, in today’s world, it is predominantly our issue, our problem.

So the past does not excuse us from recognizing and taking responsibility for our crap, how our racism plays out. Simply, this thought process has been a meditation for me to consider additional sides to the equation in the context of human history. My tendency is believe that humans are more alike than they are different, with regard to their basic functioning and the way that they experience the world. This is where my personal AND Buddhist beliefs come into play. Though, one should not assume that I deny differences. Think of it this way, each piece of chocolate candy has, fundamentally, the same ingredients but when they are manufactured they are unique in their finite characteristics. Another example is a cookie where the components are there but maybe one has one or two more chocolate chips than another and the shape and size of it varies. But they are both chocolates and cookies.

This is the way that I see people. Fundamentally the same. But what is wonderful, exciting and sometimes problematic is how we relate to the world. Each of us adds meaning to our experiences, our actions, our sensory input and we also attribute meaning to ourselves. We look in the mirror, experience the mirror of others in social interactions and we develop a complex structure of meaning with regard to “us.” Following this, if our meaning pattern changes then the definition of “us” changes. We can identify in ways that are based primarily in thought or we can identify in ways that relate to our ever changing physical structure. Most likely we are to utilize a combination of the two. Regardless, we must give each person equal respect, assign them at least equal value to ourselves and see that they wish for the same things we do. Avoid pain, experience pleasure and figure out how to live a happy life.

Again, how we each manifest and live in order to achieve these basic goals is different. If a person pursues happiness and harms another, then there is a problem. If they do not, then allow them to be. This is where the boundary of difference can remain. So, what seems hard for those who are racist, to whatever degree, is to be embrace the differences in other people as equal to their own. For white people, to embrace the equality of skin color and to do this we will need to look at our own biases and the pain that goes with them. For people who identify mostly as religious, then we will need to think about the ultimate meaning of reality and the implications of our beliefs in order to find peace. For example, if you belief in the Christian god then god is inevitable. God is the source of all things seen, experienced and present in all realms of matter, space and time. If this is what you believe then you don’t have to worry about anyone else and their beliefs because it is inevitable that your god has a handle on things. You can let go of the thought that you have to convert them, give it up to your god!

That is one example of how to arrive at peace within difference but I would encourage all to take a closer look at the meaning that you add to something as simple as a color of skin or a religious label. This has been the task of the class that I am in now and I am very grateful. It has been a challenging and somewhat painful process at times but to be truly honest with oneself if vital if we are to arrive and reside in the state of happiness and contentment.

The Art of Now: Response to Psychology Today Article

2010-08-30T08:53:00.003-07:00

Prior to reading this posting, I encourage you to read the article that sparked my response. You can find it by clicking on this link: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20081027-000001.html
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Hello, The following are my comments upon your article, “The Art of Now.”

Being a Buddhist and a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology I was particularly interested to see how PT presented this Eastern-based practiced to our predominantly Western-culture. Overall, PT did a fine job and touched on many important aspects of this way of living, this practice of “nowness.” I was especially pleased to see PT mention, in so many words, that the practice is the goal, not the reward. Warning people who might start practicing of the danger in future thinking with regard to the reward is very important. Granted, many of us, including myself, fall pray to this future thinking despite the warning. But I also have a few points that I would like to give feedback on, as they are subtle but important.

People who undertake and who have practiced meditation for some time can still struggle with relationships and receiving feedback. They may feel threatened but the difference is that they do not necessarily act on those feelings and the thoughts that lie beneath them. In addition, your thoughts are a part of the present moment and a vital aspect of being even more in the present is to contemplate and reflect upon our most intense distractions. It might be a fight with a lover, boss or a worry about our performance at work or a future engagement that we will attend. So part of the practice is to look into our distractions and this can help them disolve in the future or have less power over us, because we recognize the thought patterns. Then, with an increasing mindfulness practice we are able to recognize when the thought pattern arises, that which typically distracts us, and then we can let it go, let it dissipate as we quickly note it as, “oh, there’s that pattern again” and then turn our attention to our involvement in the given situation. Therefore, thoughts are not our enemies, as you do so well to point out, but there is content there that we should be encouraged to look at. Our culture seems to emphasize the goodness of focusing on the present moment but seems to keep the painful task of looking at ourselves at arms length. In my opinion, we should encourage focus on the moment but also not shy away from noting patterns and exploring them, exploring the believes and history of them. It is then that we can become free from them to and increase our empathy. The challenge is to do this without obsessing about it or becoming too preoccupied by our thinking. As PT said, we are not our thoughts...but thoughts will always occur nonetheless.

Lastly, I’d like to warn against something that is often misunderstood in our culture. This practice of letting go applies to all things, even those things we note as good. Just as we let go of anxious thoughts (or try to) about a speech we should also let go of our enjoyments. Too much of an emphasis on savoring can lead to a stronger attachment to what we decipher as good. A good example of this is eating. We can take the time to savor or focus on the sensations of eating but how do we respond to situations where we must eat fast and be done with it? If we are letting go then eating fast is okay too. The important part; are we aware of our eating fast and the process of it. In the Zen tradition, monastics and even lay practitioners on retreats eat in the style of Oryoki. It is a very complicated style of eating that does not leave room for savoring. Mindfulness and the moment transcends good and bad. It is mindfulness, it is what it is without us adding more to it. In this way, food becomes food. Again, the emphasis is our awareness of eating. Sure, we might think, “oh goodie, I love fried chicken,” or, “I hate lima beans” but the important part is that we are aware of our bias, are paying attention to our reactions and are we aware of our bodies process of eating, tasting and chewing?

Again, thank you very much for publishing this article. Feel free to use any and all of this email as you see fit and you can contact me at any time. The study and practice of mindfulness is rich to the depths and sometimes a culture needs to be eased into such thinking and a new paradigm. This article is a very good start. Props to you PT.

Sincerely,
Tak-Seng Lodro

The Origin of Consciousness

2010-08-30T08:53:00.001-07:00

  It is not truly possible, unless I wanted to engage in the writing of an online book, to do this subject the justice through a couple of pages. However, the subject has been of much discussion as of late. There appear to be a few different ways to speculate upon the origin of consciousness but what is most important are the definitions that we assign to consciousness, biology, etc. For many, the quality of consciousness that makes it unique involves intentions, choice, the ability to think, to speak in symbolic form with one another (i.e., spoken and written language) and a sense of “I” or wakefulness. While some choose to add to qualities to consciousness that are specifically human, I am apt to dumb it down to the most basic in order to arrive at the more specific. This means that I think that consciousness in not defined in human terms but in a more universal term. I choose to define consciousness as the ability of an organism to be aware and take action. This definition has several implications upon other matters.
   If we are to define consciousness as such, then does this mean that a conscious being has a sense of “I” or self? What qualities does this “sense” have? It is my assertion that humans have this sense of self but plants, animals and even insects do as well. Each of these organisms are in tune with their environment and make choices. Insects and animals search for food, there is intention there despite it being driven by a biological process of hunger. Squirrels search for food and learn new ways of obtaining it. Raccoons and even bears know how to find human food and dig in a garbage can. If they were only driven by biology we would see them eat only those things that they were biologically driven to eat in the particular way that they were biological programmed. Adapting to the environment, for me, shows that there is some process of engaging their environment, adapting to it through awareness. Plants do the same thing. Look out into your neighborhood at the plants and the older trees. They have grown in the direction of the sunlight and when they are met with the challenge of shade. If a plant is in shade and supposedly has no awareness or the ability to choose then it would grow straight up regardless of the conditions. It would then die because it would be victim to its circumstances. How does a tree or a plant know to grow in a particular direction? Does it not have to be aware, on some level, that there is more sunlight in one direction than another? I would answer yes and, therefore, it meets the criteria of awareness and the ability to take action. Thus far, my argument suggests that biology produces consciousness. And while this would be a good assumption it is not totally accurate of what I am attempting to convey. Let me now address the biological component of this subject.
   Different organisms have different capacities and vary in their internal and external structure. Plants cannot speak so we do not know if they have a sense of self or “I.” We could infer that if they are aware and can take action then they do have some sense of self because they are making coordinated efforts to move and grow in certain directions. Humans obviously have this sense because we can express it to one another and come to agreement through language. Therefore, language is our special ability. The ability to manipulate symbols and vocal patterns so that we can learn how to dig through the garbage. But we also have the ability of choice. Some deem language and choice to be “higher functioning” but this begs the question, “what is higher functioning?” Some might say that being able to choose and to speak causes additional problems. Sure, we can conjure up ways to live physically easier but this is equal to that of the Raccoon in the garbage can. Choice might be better but are we not often bogged down by the number of choices that we have? And finally, through language we can adopt purpose and meaning to our lives but is this not an adaptive as we face the reality of our own death? So what does our “higher functioning” really do for us? It only allows us to implement more control over our environment. And as we see in our environmental problems of today, we tend to create more problems than we do improvements. What all of this challenges is our human tendency toward egoism, to live an egocentric life, but it does not reduce our value. In fact, if you have been able to follow this thus far, you may have realized that my point is that there is not higher or lower. There is no better or special but this also means that there cannot be things of lower value. Therefore, we are all equal in value. But let me return to the topic at hand.
   Thus far, my argument is saying that biological organisms that are aware and can take action are conscious. (NOTE: I am of the position that even when a human is considered unconscious that they are still conscious. Consciousness is the base and being unconscious is simply saying that there is a changing of awareness.) This does imply that biology is important and on this I would agree. I would say that certain biological structures are needed. To move, one needs to not be a rock but have a body that is flexible and can change, grow and die. For consciousness to exist, something has to be what we call alive. If we go with this then a rock is not alive because it is not able to move and adapt. It does not feed, it is not born and it does not die and decay like biological beings. We could venture into the area of form change regarding lava to rock and equate that with death but I will not explore this topic here. Nonetheless, a certain biological makeup needs to be present in order for consciousness, as I have defined it, to be present. We can infer that plants and animals have a sense of “I” but we cannot “know” this for sure. If we move with the notion that they do have a sense of self then we ask, “but they don’t have a brain! How can this be so?” And this is where I conclude that there is something more to consciousness than biology. And I believe that it has its origin in physics and, fundamentally, in the universe.
   When I contemplate on the cause and effect relationships and rule out biology I have asked myself, “what more is there? Is there something unseen or some characteristic that we have not inquired upon because it is too difficult?” I would say yes to each of these and that that thing is energy. Energy is something that lacks physical form but it is present in all biological beings. We are a manifestation of atoms that are connected via magnetism and energy. Our brain has electricity running through it all of the time and it is much more than in a plant. That is why I think we have what we call higher capacities. Energy is everywhere, it binds all things, even the universe. Magnetism comes from the sun, other starts, black holes, etc. Energy is ever present and it is my view that energy is what contains consciousness. In some physical forms this consciousness cannot act but it is still there in awareness. But who is aware in the case of the sun? I don’t believe that there is any one person that is aware. Rather, there is an expansive consciousness and the sense of “I” that we have is an illusory quality that is a product of our physical form. While it is valid to our experience, it is not there is substance. In order for a biological organism to live it must have a sense of “I” otherwise it would not struggle to remain alive. So what I am saying here is that while we have this sense of “I” it is not completely accurate. It serves the need for our survival in this temporary form that is always changing. When we die, our energy or our consciousness is spread out into the universe like water vapor spreads into our atmosphere, apparently disappearing. Therefore, there is an “I” and there is “not-I” at the same time.
   But here I have suggested that I am looking for the origin of consciousness. My argument is that what we term as consciousness is ever present within energy and that it is able to manifest in different ways. This notion of energy, combined with biological structures allows us to better understand how individuals and animals are able to engage in what some might term clairvoyance, expansive awareness or focused empathy. Since energy is in all matter and enables matter to connect then the condition of clairvoyance is plausible and even logically supported. We have all had moments like this and they manifest in ways that are described as intuition, foresight, a “sense” that something is happening or about to happen. I speak on this point from experience and they have puzzled me for some time. But what of the origin of consciousness or energy?
   I am not so sure that this question will ever be answered within a conceptual framework but I do believe that we have the capacity to know it subjectively without the use of language because we ARE part consciousness and energy. Moreover, the characteristics of what we call consciousness are simply unique variations of the same basic element of energy. Energy combined with a human structure yields language, spoken and written, learning and certain cognitive and physical abilities. In animals it yields adaptation, the ability to learn and the ability to take certain actions. In plants, it yields even fewer abilities when compared to humans, in that, they can only grow, move, kill parts of themselves off and move. In the end, what I think we are engaging in when we argue upon this topic is for us to be able to say that we are special, unique and of greater value. This is the danger of egoism and egoism is a unique ability in humans. For us to view ourselves as equal to that of plants, animals and even such things as water or dirt conjures up an immediate response, “NO! “I” am much more than that!” The question here is, why must we be much more than these things? Why must individuals be better or less than another individual?

The Third Turning

2010-08-30T08:52:00.001-07:00

This entry has started without an idea of what will be said. Like a blank canvas...but the first drop is the recent insight that all added meaning is the source of our confusion. The world is experienced, the senses take in information and then it is all processed. It makes sense to me now...what the teachers have said. That we are to let go of meaning-adding. That all is illusory and transient. As more teachings come to mind they fall into place....little sticks of dynamite going off, offering insight after insight. It continues, I do not have to feed it anything but space....and the presence of it does it’s own work. Nothing more needs to be done because Mara’s natural process is kicking in where relationships are being formed. Pathways are being reconfigured based on the original insight. The pattern of neural pathways, greatly varied and innumerable. They continue to come into contact with the insight and when confusion presents itself, it is dissolved because the insight pierces through.

It is like the teachers teach. It is simple and yet complex. Present must be a willingness...resistance needs to be low, to drop and trust needs to be regained or gained in oneself. Then it all comes. WIth inner searching, questioning and processing the answers arise. Met in the outside world with opposition, the insight was ripe to sprout. From the darkness of confusion arises the light of wakefulness, one’s sanity, the sanity that is ever present.

Contemplating Emptiness: Causes and Conditions

2010-08-30T08:51:00.003-07:00

The book, Buddhahood WIthout Meditation, A Visionary Account Known as “Refining One’s Perception,” by Dudjom Lingpa is the primary inspirational source for this entry. The purpose of this entry is selfish in nature. By repeating and contemplating upon the truth of emptiness allows one to practice going beyond this form. It appears that this is the basis for transcendence, as I currently see it. A way for humans to go beyond the illusion that we are human, just human and only human. For the teaching of emptiness allows us to see, to our very depths, that such a thing is an illusion for which we attempt to ground ourselves. As one follows the path of this truth, applies it to all phenomena, especially upon the ever changing form of “human” a circle appears. No end, no beginning. Infinite experience, limitless, beyond...and so the heart sutra reminds us...Gate, Gate, Para Gate, Parasam Gate, Bodhi Svaha. Homage to all who have pursued transcendence, who have seen beyond, who have lived beyond for the sake of all beings and who have wished for ultimate freedom for all. Bless all of you and may you receive endless kindness, timely teachings and encounter auspicious conditions to support your practice. I wish all of you long life and good health. May this meditation bring merit to others and gather as a cause within this temporary form to aid all beings for many life times.

Locate the self. Locate the “I” it is said. Where is it to be found. If a limb is removed, is there less “I”? Is the “I” gone? Is the “I” in the head? If our head is severed and it remains functioning are “we” there? We feel the itch on our foot, is the “I” in our foot? If we sever the foot does the “I” end at the stub of our leg? Where is the identity? Is this not an illusion that we carry with us? An understandable error that we and other sentient beings are predisposed? This makes sense.... All beings are a collection of organs, then cells, then molecules, then atoms and beyond atoms. Where is the stability for which all phenomena exist? Where is the ground of all things for existence? For if we examine it, there is no source yet there is a source that is infinite, unknown...we call it space, we call it god, we call it the universe, we call it energy, we call it dark matter...we call it matter and dark matter. Would it be dark if we could see it? Would it become something else? Ah, thus our confusion, searching, searching for the solid and the unchanging. Searching for the stable...to calm the anxiety that is based in our confusion. We look, we search, we utilize concepts that come from the complexity of our language....our frontal lobe...our cortices. Yet, these concepts, even these words are empty of inherent existence. Place holds that do not exist. Tethers they are...but they are empty tethers. In combination we utilize these phenomena which correlate to the projections of the mind. With a certain combination, unique to our makeup the come together and when freedom is realized the concepts fall in on themselves, they implode, dissolve and space remains. The space and unity of all things allow us to see what is there...space, emptiness, a lacking of stability. This is the truth. This is god. No god-person...the ultimate of god. The highest level of god where no form is present yet form is felt. Where form is felt but nothing can be grasped. The form falls between our finders like the sand of the beach falling between our fingers. The beach is in our hand but we cannot grasp it. The beach can be spread across the world and yet it is still the beach yet it is no longer the beach. No denying that it is present but it’s definition is not definite. Groundless groundedness. Form without structure. Form is emptiness...illusory and unstable.

Even the perceiver is illusory...thus the circle. Looking in upon itself it realizes the truth, that it is not a thing but it is everything and everywhere. The illusion of limitation keeps us limited. Us goes beyond, no limit. Beyond limit. The truth of space and god is inevitable. Conceptions will delude us, beings will fear the illusion, fight the illusion but they are only fighting their own confusion...they are not fighting anything else. Thus, we meditate on the natural emptiness of self, of what we think our identity is and thus is vanishes, giving us freedom, flexibility and realization of the simple mind, the mind of all things, the mind and basis of space and god. Resting here cuts through the chain of delusion, of pain, of suffering. Concentration, practice, bring the freedom into the moment. For that is all that there is...the moment is space, the moment is god. Our delusions interfere with the synchronicity of god and space. Forming and dissolving just as the breath...in each moment birth and destruction occur. In a flash within a millisecond, it occurs. Without time it occurs. Time is only another delusion, like our form. Like our perception. The ultimate is this. Thus, merging the ultimate with the nowness allows for freedom. And even freedom is the illusion. The chains are of the illusion.

There just is. That’s it. That is the universe, one word: Is

Here ends this meditation on emptiness.

Worldly Happiness & Worldly Transcendence

2010-08-30T08:51:00.001-07:00

As I continue to read through the Pali Cannon, edited by Bhikkhu Bodhi, the teaches come alive. This text stated something that I did not know or think of in such simple terms. The Buddha taught both the way to worldly happiness and the way to transcend worldly existence. This is quite remarkable that I did not know this. It is for this reason that I prefer to start with the basic, the foundation and know the different levels of understanding. Doing this allows me to see the larger picture develop. But this simple notion, of splitting the two perspectives within the teachings, makes total sense. Many will not wish to jump on the path to inquire about transcendence but as the Buddha seems to have taught, as the Dalai Lama teaches, we all wish for worldly happiness. In this way, the teachings are very fundamental and there can be many bridges built to many other religions and worldly philosophies.

The mistake that I have been making so far is to emphasize, nay, to over-emphasize the transcendental piece of this. Which is very much the philosophical or religious perspective. It is not the worldly and the worldly is what we can all agree on. Rather, there appears to be a greater chance that we will agree on this even if we don’t fully agree. There is a chance that one will come to an understanding of peaceful living.

I wish to comment further upon this, for I am very excited but I will refrain. The result right now will only be my own conjecture and it would be most helpful if the information presented is processed so that a deeper and more intense understanding is developed.

Best Wishes Everyone, Tak-Seng

Without Beginning: Emptiness and What Some Call God

2010-08-30T08:50:00.001-07:00

The term “emptiness” in Buddhism is quite fascinating. When it is thought about conceptually or intellectually it is a very logical and material in feeling. Emptiness in this context does not mean that something is empty like a glass of water. Many have mistaken it for nothingness and this is not what the Buddha taught or intended. Let us first lay the foundation of our typical understanding of this word. According to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, the word empty is defined as, “containing nothing,” “not occupied or inhabited,” “not pregnant,” “lacking reality, substance, meaning or value,” “destitute of effect or force,” “devoid of sense,” “hungry,” “idle,” “having no purpose or result,” or “marked by the absence of human life, activity or comfort.” All of this sounds really, well, yuck and very negative and nihilistic. But this may explain why many misunderstand this term. It is a Buddhist (Eastern) term that is being translated and brought into Western terms.

There is only one part of the this official definition that comes a little close to what Buddhists mean, but it is still not quite accurate. That part was “lacking reality.” But even this, taken in Western context, is misleading. For a person who has a paradigm or way of looking at the world that is informed by what is taught within Buddhism, a term such as “lacking reality” may respond with a smile and a nodding of the head. Weird, isn’t it? But all of this is a very surface level examination of this term. We are talking about a word and other words that define the original word. In order for emptiness to have a meaning it has to be placed in context.

So, if I say glass and then the word empty, we put the two together and come up with an empty glass. This is our common understanding. Entertain me for a moment and take a look at how you respond this one, “empty of inherent existence.” Go ahead, reread it, take a moment and sit with it. Then come back. “Empty of inherent existence.” Empty of independent existence.” “Emptiness.”

If we examine Empty, we have a common view and it might be best termed as “lacking.” Now, let’s put that in the sentence in place of emptiness. “Lacking of inherent existence.” Lacking of independent existence.” We can now move to other words or phrases such as “no independent existence.” The word independent is absolutely vital here. If we take it out then we arrive at the nihilistic view, “no existence.” And frankly, that is just silly. You are here reading, in the past I was writing this sentence, the screen before you is there…so what the hell, right?

Well, if I haven’t lost you quite yet, hang in there with me a little longer, we’re almost there. This may seem tedious or even stressful for you but this process of recognizing the meaning that we place behind words is very important. Mostly because we take words and our storage house of meanings and apply them very fast. When we speak this happens rapidly. When we try to listen this happens rapidly. But since each of us has our own storage locker of meanings with complex lines drawn between them and certain words we must take things slowly. When we take this one step at a time we can see the meaning. We can hear another’s meaning and we can see our own meaning arise in our minds. Let us continue.

So now we have it. No independent or inherent existence. What this means is that everything is dependent upon everything else. It is causality, the infinite chain of causality. Everything is built on everything else. And since everything is a part of everything then there cannot be one solid, independent thing. Again, this is a lot of talking for this and talking and writing is conceptual, superficial. On the other hand, we can have a very strong experience of this insight, this truth and understanding. Buddhists may call it realization and Christians may call it a revelation. Regardless, they mean the same.

So when we realize, truly and to the depths, and rest in this understanding without words but instead, see and feel this concept we come into contact with the nature of all things, Buddhanature, God, Infinite Causality, the Universe, etc. Experiencing this realization is where one stops though because this is our human limitation…we lack the ability to impregnate our experience of something into another. Though, as you may find, when one opens to experience this same thing in your presence, there is a strong bond, there is a sense that the other can sense you and vice versa. For some, the path is through reason that they come to rest in this ultimate Nature. For others, they come to it by believing in a god that is loving and infinite in nature. But it seems, that we are experiencing the same thing, just using different words.

In the end, this internal experience matters, not the words. And maybe this truth can give us pause the next time we find ourselves wanting to fight another over the differences of words.

Be at peace my brothers and sisters, may we all rest in openness and calm.
In Oneness,
Tak-Seng

God & Satan: A False Division

2010-08-30T08:49:00.001-07:00

The other night I decided to record a show on the History Channel that had this title. As I watched it from my Buddhist, Psychological and insight oriented perspective I had a few thoughts. The first is rather basic, even cliché at this point in time. God and Satan are within us, not outside of us. They represent the altruism that is natural to our awakened nature and the evil that our animalistic conditioning is capable of. In this show, it was revealed that the notion of the devil came along after monotheism. It was stated, and this makes a lot of sense, that people were having great trouble understanding or working through the existential dilemma that God was responsible for good and bad things. So, it seems that the group at the time adopted the notion of the devil to make things easier to understand.

Unfortunately, I think that in trying to make things easier to understand it made things more complicated and has moved away from the truth. From all that I have read, if there is a God, an ultimate creator then it has power over everything that has been created and destroyed. Therefore, establishing notions of good and evil stray away from the notion of God. It divides God and one’s ability to experience God, which transcends the experience of being only human, is hindered. But this pattern of adding on to what needs no adding seems to be a common mistake. Buddhism has done the same thing.

In some Buddhist belief systems there is a focus on deities (and the devil could be considered a deity), that they serve a purpose or represent some internal psychological structure. Take for instance the Mahakala. In Shambhala, the Mahakala has a shrine and devotional chants are conducted to honor the purpose and function of the Mahakal (which is to present obstacles and opportunities for us to regain an open focus. So when someone bumps into a wall because they are in a hurry then the Mahakala is doing its job by presenting the obstacle. But the problem I see with this is that it adds complexity and could even misguide some individuals. I don’t know whether the Buddha taught on the Mahakala but my feeling is that he did not. What I do know is that he taught of enlightenment, open awareness and limitless understanding.

It is my belief that what the Buddha described as our Buddha Nature or Essence is what others term as God. And I strongly believe that there is no split in this. In fact, splitting leads to more splitting and more conceptual complication. The purpose is the reside in the presence of God, of the nature of all things, the nature of this limitless existence and universe. I have found that the Tao does this well, very well. I will have to review the Tao te Ching for I do not know if it states that there is Good Tao or Evil Tao but right now, I don’t think that it does. There is the Tao, the one way, the only way in which we can reside in and then there is not residing in it.

The point here is that for monotheism or even for Buddhism to remain pure we must resist the urge to play to our weakness, which is our conceptual thinking. When we divide the notion of the source then the source ceases to be. It then becomes a manifestation of our conception, which is the not-source, not-God, not-Buddha Nature. And when we hear individuals going down a long conceptual path or engaging in a lot of different practices that focus attention on various deities then these are additional obstacles to overcome if one is to reside in the presence of limitless loving vastness.

Choosing a Spiritual Path

2010-08-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Choosing a spiritual path can be down right troublesome for people. For others, it can be a fascinating journey as they look, listen, read, sample and practice various ways. There are many religions out there and there are innumerable ways that one can practice these. It should be emphasized that NOT choosing an established spiritual tradition is also spiritual. To be human means to live and the way that we live our life could be said to have spirit, regardless of how fancy, complicated or simple and basic it is. We all live our lives with spirit, in a way that has a particular flavor to it. Therefore, to live a spiritual life, as I am defining things, is inevitable. But for some of us, me included, there is a drive to find an established system or a variation of that system that fits with our lives, beliefs and perspectives. Going about and through this journey can be lonely and even painful.

For some time now I have been very fond of Buddhism but I have struggled with certain aspects of it. I lovingly joke that I’ve been fighting with Buddhism ever since I learned about it. Resisting some aspects of the philosophy and many of the teachers. However, I’ve kept on. Prior to this I tried many things and looked into different religions. Early in my life I learned of the major one’s such as Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc. But none of this resulted in a connection. Not because the religions are bad or good but because their approach didn’t line up with my way of doing things. But then I encountered more Eastern belief systems and have been fond of them ever since. I give props to Taoism, Hinduism and Confucius (ism?). Of course, I give my gold medal to Buddhism. But getting to this point was challenging. I tried various aspects of Eastern practices such as going to Tai Chi, Qi Gong and different Buddhist centers. But I never felt at home in any of these. The reason, though, didn’t have much to do with the centers or approaches, it had to do with my view of them and my willingness to really try them out.

So earlier this year I realized that it would be good for me to go on a meditation retreat for a month so that I could really get a taste for a Buddhist practice. I had been stubborn about really trying it out (and avoided my cushion at home) and felt that tossing myself into a program where I would give up the daily choice to resist it would do me some good. At the very least I could walk away from it and say, “nope, not this one.” So I attended the retreat and went through the process. As the days went by I contemplated, via journaling, all of the questions and points of resistance that arose. I was relentless about working through them. Not with the intention of falsely convincing myself that Buddhism was right but to see if I could understand the practice and belief system in a deeper way so that I could arrive at a collaborative relationship with the system and its members/teachers. After spending nearly three weeks doing this and in meditation my issues were finally resolved. Buddhism made total sense to me and it worked with what I believed and felt to be the way for my life. Thus, I have begun walking slowly along the Buddhist path and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. But in this way, I am very fortunate and have been motivated to resolve the issue. Others may struggle for their entire lives (and if you are, I wish you the very best in resolving what remains vacant within you).

In our culture, trying different traditions, being open and honest about your uncertainty and even embracing, calmly and with confidence, your uncertainty is often (not always) looked down upon. In our culture (especially post 9-11) we are very concerned, if not obsessed, with safety and security. I feel that this safety and security in others is threatened when we venture out into the spiritual unknown and explore for some time before choosing. This is quite different from times in India where people would venture out into the forest and become spiritual explorers, trying various approaches until they found what they were looking for. The Buddha did this as well and came to realization. Other key people in other spiritual traditions also have done the same where they have found wisdom, insight, realization and a connection with a god. So while it would be nice, efficient and safe to feel that we fully identify with a given system, we should also think about supporting those who are exploring.

For someone to explore in this way is a wonderful thing! It is what MAKES us human. The ability to see beyond ourselves, beyond this temporary existence and to see that we will die. To explore what it means to be human and how to live in a spiritual way is a very beautiful thing. Now, if we come to a system that is not popular or predominant in our culture this may result in conflicts or tensions in our relationships with others. This is most unfortunate but it is very much a reality.

It seems that some are very afraid of what they do not understand and as a result they become defensive, angry and even hurtful toward us. This is very unfortunate and ultimately not helpful toward maintaining positive relations with others. However, it is a reality and something that we should deal with so that the difficulty can be resolved and, most importantly, learned from. This way we can grow and mature our ability to live peacefully in this world. But when we are faced with such strong opposition toward our choices it may cross our mind that our choice is wrong because it seems to be causing such an uproar. But please be aware that this is a mistake. It makes sense why we would come to this conclusion but it is definitely a mistake.

So what can we do in the face of anger and hatred? We may feel powerless, almost hopeless about the likelihood of a positive outcome so what are we to do? One of the most important things is to associate ourselves with people who accept, love and support us. To have a group of people whom you can engage in activities that support your chosen system or even your exploration if that is where you are at. Having this support can help mitigate or balance out the attacks that we receive from those who are strongly opposed. We are very social animals and we have strong desires for acceptance and the love of others. Therefore, to associate with others who love and accept you is very important. Even if you are not very close to them it is important. With the internet we can surely initiate contact with local people who feel as we do and it is important to spend time with them, in person. Not just emailing and on the phone. Of course, if your geography limits you then please engage in what is available.

So having a community or group of associates that view you in a positive light is vital for whatever stage of the process that you are in. And it becomes even more important the more negative feedback you receive from others. So connect, love and support those whom you share your path with. It is not enough to just receive, you must also give of yourself. Then progress can be really made upon the spiritual path.

I’d like to end this with one last point. Do your best to avoid stereotyping people who are not on the same path. I have encountered many individuals who are not Buddhist and I love them very much. Some are my closest friends and family. In fact, by connecting with others who have chosen a different path but are able to remain supportive of your choices is a recipe for the development of wisdom. There are many commonalities between belief systems and people, those can be celebrated. In addition, there are many differences that we can appreciate and learn from. We can even slightly augment our beliefs and practices with something from another tradition. For instance, the Dalai Lama has given much praise to Catholicism for emphasizing education and healthcare. This is something that Buddhist cultures have not been so strong in doing but they have grown from this exposure.

So even when your search comes to an end like mine has, remain open, loving and always continue to learn and grow. That is a big part of being human, keeping an open mind.